I do my job at Pendragon’s Post because I love what I do. What do I do here? Sometimes I review comics. Sometimes I review movies. And sometimes I review CRAP. Oh yeah, I’m going ingest the crap for you, that is the 1990 Captain America movie.
There is no way this movie would finally be released on DVD if the Captain America-First Avenger movie hadn’t came out this year ( the 70th anniversary of ole Cap ). I have seen this movie before. I had a friend let me borrow his copy. The quality was awful, but I sat through it back then. Why? Because I had never seen it. Why now? I wish I really had an answer for that on. Anyway, this was produced by 21st Century Film Corporation. I swear, this movie is just over twenty years old, but it looks much older. Don’t get it confused with the one that aired on CBS back in the 1970s. However, it doesn’t look much better, quality wise. It stars Matt Salinger, which I had no idea until today is the son of J.D. Salinger. I would have never guessed.
The year is 1936 and an Italian family is enjoying a nice evening together when they are interrupted by Benito Mussolini (or at least a guy that’s supposed to be Mussolini). They take the boy, kill his family and take him to a secret castle. The Italians tell the Nazis that they have created a serum that will make people twice as smart and twice as strong as anyone in the peak of physical fitness. They show a rat that has been given the serum and it looks like the Red Skull…Only in rat form. Anyway this female doctor didn’t want the boy used and escapes and makes it all the way to the United States. The screen then shifts to “Seven Years Later” and, just for those who can’t do math, it also tells us it’s 1943. At least the next part of the story seems to get some of the actual story that we all know correct, as Steve Rogers volunteers for the Super Soldier Project. However, there is a spy in the lab who kills the doctor who brought t his serum to the US. Steve Rogers busts out of his restraints and kills the spy. After a quick recovery from gunshot wounds, Captain America is sent out on his first, and unfortunately, his only, mission. There he meets up with the Red Skull, gets easily overcome and strapped to a missile aimed for Washington, DC. He’s able to divert the missile, as witnessed by a young boy who tells his friend all about it. Captain America crash lands in Alaska. Thus ends the first mission of America’s lone super soldier. Unfortunately, it isn’t the end of the movie. However, this is the end of my review. I swear, I just cant write anyone about this turd of a movie. However, you may be surprised to hear me say….watch it. Just once. Go on, give it a try. You know you will like it. All the other kids are doing it. So are all the 20 year olds….30 year olds….everyone is doing it. Who am I kidding…
Isn’t it funny how much you can write about something you hate.
Staff Reviewer,
Jason A. Lawson
“I do my job at Pendragon’s Post because I love what I do. What do I do here? Sometimes I review comics. Sometimes I review movies. And sometimes I review CRAP.”
Well, I hope you’re not getting paid for this – because who pays for a job that’s only half ass done? (Or are you writing this to score brownie points with Comic Con International – so you can score a comp pass for next year?) If you had any shred of journalistic ethic – you would review the movie objectively and at least lead it to some foregone conclusion regardless if you declare a movie to be a turd or not.
~
Coat