As I sit here debating the differences between light and dark beer and why Darth Maul, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, and the great Liam Neeson couldn’t save Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, a thought came into my head, (yes sometimes thoughts do enter my head and not just random colors and thought bubbles). I said to myself, “Jim, it is time once again to do your article and you sir will do this article to the best of your abilities.”
So I bring to you 6F tales of mayhem! Action! Suspense! Full frontal male nudity! (Ok, so maybe not the nudity but there will be mayhem, so there is that. I hope you got your car insurance.) Starting with…
Dark Horse
Star Wars: Darth Maul Death Sentence #2 (of4)- Now you see where the Star Wars Episode 1 reference comes from. I’ll admit, when Darth Maul came back on the Clone Wars cartoon (cgitoon?) I clapped my hands together and danced like a creepy seal. This book became a must have for me right away. Darth Maul and Savage Oppress teaming together to mess stuff up? If that doesn’t sell you right away then you may need to check your pulse.
DC
Justice League #12- SPOILER! If you haven’t seen the Internet in the past few days then look away child! But for those of you that have you know… Superman and Wonder Woman engage in an epic make out sesh (Session for those of you over 40 or for those of you who choose not to sound like idiots. Me? I do not mind sounding like a buffoon.) I haven’t read a single issue of Justice League since DC decided to do their horrible, horrible New 52 idea, but since I am a Superman fan and my fiancé is a Wonder Woman fan I had to buy this. Reading it however? Probably not happening.
Superman Annual #1- Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Superman, fighting for his life on far off planets, hunted, beat down, cold, a little bit sniffley. Well that’s what you get out of Superman Annual #1, and you know what? I am buying it because Supes fighting anything is AWESOME. Don’t lie, even if you hate Superman, you can still admit he is ridiculously overpowered and way too rad for his own good. (You hear that? That is the sound of a thousand terrible things coming this way.)
Marvel
AvX: VS #5 (of 6)- Black Panther vs. Storm, Angel vs. Hawkeye! (Is it just me or will the law services of Matt Murdock be needed for that first match-up? Hope Orororororo signed a prenup.) If you have been reading Avengers vs. X-Men and not reading this you are sorely missing out. This book is absolutely hilarious and awesome at the same time. Plus if you have a smart phone make sure you get the Marvel Augmented Reality app, it takes these books to a new level.
Uncanny X-Force #30- Fantomex has been a tricky little boy lately and now the Force (Yeah cause putting the X there is too main stream, * adds hipster glasses *) is paying for his deceptions (Dude makes some wacky stuff up). Plus the New Brotherhood of Evil Mutants tries to pull some shady stuff. Wolverine is guaranteed to be gruff and moody. Deadpool will make a joke. Nightcrawler (AoA Nightcrawler that is) will get upset with Wolvie calling him Elf. Things will die. Sound basic? Maybe it does, but it’s always great. *Editors Note from Author- REMENDER RULES!
Winter Soldier #9- Bucky fanboy manlove commencing in 3…2…1… Brubaker has taken Bucky (Gee wilikers Cap!) and turned him into a certifiable badas… (That word is pronounced Bah-Daz, that way it is not officially swearing 
) Black Widow has been brainwashed (ok so that’s not original but seriously just picture ScarJo and all is well) and it is now up to Bucky to save her. Recycled storyline? Why yes, yes it is. Do I care? No, no I do not. Winter Soldier has been one of the best books Marvel has put out in recent memory. If you aren’t reading it now then you need to start.
So there you have it guys! Those are the books I am buying this week. I hope you’ve enjoyed my attempts at humor, but first and foremost I hope this gives you the urge to check out some of these books. Until next time, have fun reading, and don’t forget to support your local comic book shops! Sincerely, El Toro Rojo.
